What was it that allowed my heart to jump out and sprinkle fairy dust everywhere? Was it...
...Puppy on a pony? Nooo. Yet this does make me happy; probably not for the reason it should. I'm most happy to know that a real life Barbie exists and she really does live the fantasy life I've always dreamed for her (If you don't know what I'm referring to, check out sista-friend in the picture above. If those legs/shoes/dress aren't made of plastic then slap my ass and call me Ken). Back to the subject at hand: what DID make me so happy? Was it...
...A giant plate of meatballs?! Not this time. Most likely because I just finished a giant plate of meatballs and now I feel like I'm going to give birth to an 18lb food baby. Could it be...
Gus the bulldog? Nah. Look at that face!! I just want to squeezeeeeee him and shake him and eat his widdle cheeks! ...but then I will be in trouble with the ASPCA and they'll most likely confiscate my meat dress. Hmm... what about...
...No pants o'clock?! You know me so well! Of course I love to escape from the confines of clothing and truly experience the aerodynamics of the crotchal region. But unfortunately the workplace frowns on nudity during work hours. Not the winner, but could the winner be...
Tiny baby shaving?! I LOVE tiny babies shaving. In truth, I love seeing babies doing all sorts of grown-up things: dressing up in suits, telling jokes at dinner parties, helping me develop my e-trade portfolio. Also, seeing tiny babies shaving makes me feel less hairy... which reminds me that I'm hairy... which ultimately doesn't make me as happy as....
...you guessed it....
GLEE!! Ahh yes... the name really says it all doesn't it? What made Tuesday night's premiere more special than all the rest, you ask? Well, for starters, Quinn is back in the uniform and throwing bitches into lockers. I'm so proud of Quinnie; shedding off the never-existent baby fat in time for cheer season. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I DO believe she's back on top of the "pyramid" (which, by the way, should NEVER be referenced in the modern world of the Rah Rah sisterhood).
Tuesday night was also special to me because Rachel Barry got shown up... by a 6-year-old. Yes, it's been confirmed that "Sunshine Corazon" is in fact the "little girl" who sang with Celine Dion on Oprah. I guess we'll never know her true age... I mean... just look at the Chinese gymnastics team.
And SPEAKING of Asians, aren't you just the happiest little chopsticks that Tina and Mike were counselors at an asian summer camp? Hell... I wish I went to an asian summer camp; get all hyped-up on MSG and watch my counselors go at it. Niiiicccceeee.
Anyway, you already know all the reasons why this show makes me and everyone else in America practically giddy. Let's just enjoy the high, shall we?
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