Horse Porn

GG is back baby! In preparation for the sacred event I poured myself a dirty martini and watched my slideshow of Ed Westwick pictures to "Breathe On Me" on repeat. Ok, I didn't really... But I probably should. Jessica Szohr is one lucky bitch. First, she gets to touch no-no parts with Chuck Bass AND she has a fashion spread in Page Six magazine's re-debut issue! Ugh... Exactly why she must be my first item of discussion...

A)Ok, so Vanessa is about to start at NYU after being "cool and artsy" by homeschooling herself in all the years leading up to now. Regardless, there is no need for home girl to start wearing dreds. What was the up with the mop head? NOT a fan.

B) MO-ing with Dan's creepy half brother? I guess I could maybe get on board... IF he wasn't 8 feet shorter than her! Comeon casting dept... You should know that sometimes even Vanessa needs to wear heels.

C) The only good part of having a dude for a best friend is that there is NO need for super stalking. And heads up, Vanessa, Dan believes that more than you. Hell, that's what actual girlfriends are for. Step off already... it's embarassing.

Ok now that I've gotten that off my chest, let's talk about what made my heart smile ALL episode long... Blair and Chuck 2gether 4ever. HEART! Now this is the television relationship I've been waiting for my whole adult life: one that combines real love, wild sex, and Ed Westwick in a tuxedo. I totally had the pee-pee sensation all episode long.

I can't really say the same for Serena and her new found fetish with beastiality. "Look at me paparazzi" really? THIS is a storyline? I'm not going to be able to stand this much longer... I'm also not going to stand for the queezy feeling I get looking at Serena's facial expression while riding on the horse. Neighhhh.

Again... let's dwell on the positive. Ahhhhh love. Please see below.