Throughout my years of avid film and television viewership (aka sitting on my ass, watching TV), I've found that every Hollywood harlet falls into one of two categories: the ugly criers or the pretty criers. The pretty criers, the lesser obvious of the two, consist of the actresses who despite tears, never seem to smudge a single swipe of eyeliner or reveal any hint of snot. Their tears cascade gracefully, at times appearing to fall in slow motion, one single tear after the next. This category is no doubt dominated by the most beautiful crier of all time: Miss Demi Moore. Her gracefully tearful performance in Ghost is by far the prime example of how a lady should shed a tear.
Now to the dogs...
The ugly criers; the snot ridden, makeup smeared, huffing, puffing, drenched faced, tomato red criers who stand by the theory that the uglier the cry, the more theatrical the piece. You know the kind... the criers whose overindulgent sobs make you cringe. So bad, in fact, that instead of evoking any sort of sympathy, your first reaction is to turn to your friend and say "Ew. She looks like shit." You're probably asking yourself where I'm going with this. Well, after last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy, we have a new queen to take the ugly crier throne... Miss Sandra Oh... yes, Oh... as in "Oh wow that is oneeeee ugly crier."
First of all, in last night's episode Cristina Yang whipped out a wallowy weep because she's a medical attention whore (Note: a key to being a pretty crier is to actually cry over something legitimate. Strike One). The real victim here? Poor bed-ridden Meredith; the only person in the room to absorb all of the ugly cry awkwardness (Note: another key to being a pretty crier is to not sob to a bed-ridden patient in a hospital. They cry to you. Strike Two). "I miss Burke! (gurgle, huff, glob, gasp)It's been too long since I've held a heart in my hand! (Guff, yelp, blarf, spibble)." So gross. Next time, Grey's, please keep the crying to the Izzy's and Dr. Bailey's of the show. No one wants to see that.
Now to the dogs...
The ugly criers; the snot ridden, makeup smeared, huffing, puffing, drenched faced, tomato red criers who stand by the theory that the uglier the cry, the more theatrical the piece. You know the kind... the criers whose overindulgent sobs make you cringe. So bad, in fact, that instead of evoking any sort of sympathy, your first reaction is to turn to your friend and say "Ew. She looks like shit." You're probably asking yourself where I'm going with this. Well, after last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy, we have a new queen to take the ugly crier throne... Miss Sandra Oh... yes, Oh... as in "Oh wow that is oneeeee ugly crier."
First of all, in last night's episode Cristina Yang whipped out a wallowy weep because she's a medical attention whore (Note: a key to being a pretty crier is to actually cry over something legitimate. Strike One). The real victim here? Poor bed-ridden Meredith; the only person in the room to absorb all of the ugly cry awkwardness (Note: another key to being a pretty crier is to not sob to a bed-ridden patient in a hospital. They cry to you. Strike Two). "I miss Burke! (gurgle, huff, glob, gasp)
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