I have a few guilty pleasures: the occasional drunken cigarette, Jennifer Lopez movies, spoonfuls of cream cheese; but after spending a long Saturday night in, I have officially added another one to the ranks: Leave it to Lamas. No... not llamas.
Some of you may know Shane Lamas from her stint on the Bachelor, where she whined and dizzily stumbled her way into the arms of the dreamiest bachelor to date, Matt Grant. Experts have argued that underneath her over-processed blonde hair, she is in fact brainless and has the IQ of an acorn. But despite her disability, she still has a lot of heart. So much so in fact, that her personal mission is to rekindle ties between sexy brother AJ and their father, Lorenzo Lamas (best known for his Oscar-worthy performance in Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus). Think she's a trip? Meet Michele...
Michele is a menopausal collagen addict who lights barbecues indoors and walks around her children's house naked. Experts say that with the amount of collagen she's injected into her lips, she could supply all the connective tissue in an average sized humpback whale. While she is suffering from empty nest syndrome and mild retardation, she still manages to be a devoting mother to Riley, a 3-year-old teacup maltese who, like mom, goes tanning and whores himself out to any bitch that will have him.
Ok that was a little harsh, but I can't help it! Whenever I see a tan that fake my mind automatically switches to ridicule. Maybe Michele can skip a few trips to Encino's Maui Tanning and pick up some Korres Watermelon Lightweight tinted moisturizer. That stuff is so natural, it may make up for all the unnaturalness of the former Mrs. Lamas' face. Ok well, probably not, but it's a start! The stuff is full of antioxidants that counteract sun damage. Hmm... I wonder how much she'll need...
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