Attack of the Snagleteeth, Badly Dressed, and Old

Throughout my years of maturity, I've found that I've been able to grow a taste for many things I originally found detesting: mayonnaise, brussel sprouts, tomatoes, furry boots, hair extensions, DFMOs, liquor... just to name a few. And yet over the years, I've never been able to mature to the point where I could find a liking for one thing in particular: the uglies.

You heard me right; I'm referring to those poor souls who were "beaten with the ugly stick," or "fell from the ugly tree," or have the face of an undecipherable animal. Now, I'm sorry if I've offended any of you unfortunate looking folk. Though, if you're a friend of mine I would venture to say you're not an ugly (my heart does not befriend uglies).

My need to vent at the expense of the uglies stems from NBC and its idea of a Glee-substitute (like something of the sort could ever exist), The Sing Off. My roommate and I have been curled up on the couch this week with dinner and a bottle of wine, both of us expecting something beautiful! And exciting! And beautifully exciting! What were we left with? Mediocrity and an inner mantra of "womp. womp. womp."

Now, in the show's defense, sure--glee clubs in real life are not ordinarily made up of beautiful Broadway stars, cool jocks and cheerleader types. However, to subject America to snagleteeth, ugly sweaters, sequin overload, and old ladies is an absolute cruelty! Yeah I know... it's not a beauty competition; but to be perfectly frank, they can't sing all that well either. In fact, since the show's premiere, I've been able to count 4 single people solo-worthy for national television: From "Voices of Lee," the girl who sang "No One" and the guy who sang "Freedom," from "The SoCals" the girl who sang "Already Gone," and from "Nota" (my personal fave) the guy who sings all the time.

Other than that, we are left with "The Beezelbubs" who, though charming, have collectively together seen one pair of breasts their whole lives (I mean, I have to assume that one of them were breastfed) and "Maxx Factor," a female barber shop quartet from Baltimore who are all far past the prime of life. Sadly enough, "Noteworthy" was kicked off last night despite an applaudable rendition of one of my guilty pleasures, Wilson Phillips' "Hold On." But, there's only enough ugly for one stage! Thank GOD for Nick Lachey and Nicole Scherzinger or The Sing Off might be mistaken for a TV remake of The Goonies.