Sof's Guide to Spotting and Ruining the Attention Whore

They're everywhere: Crying in bars... making a scene in the workplace... getting knocked up by male friends when clearly out of the closet as a lesbian. They'll announce their pregnancy when you announce your engagement; they'll be the surprise at your surprise party; Hell, they'll even die before you (and with a better funeral, of course).

This is why I'm going to help you spot and destroy the attention whore before her wildly obscene beer tears drown your boyfriend into a public affair. To help me in this task, I've employed the women of Seattle Grace Hospital. I give you exhibit A:

Name: Dr. Calliope "Callie" Torres

Occupation: Attending Orthopedic Surgeon

Relationship Status: It's complicated

Sexual Orientation: Gay of the lesbian variety (or so she says)

Why Callie is an Attention Whore: Recently, Callie announced her pregnancy to her "ex" girlfriend, Arizona. While this is typically news people would be "over the moon about" (ugh, I hate that expression), knowing that the love child is the product of an extra-relational tryst with her sex buddy of yesteryear must have had Arizona barbecuing from the inside out. It's quite clear that Steamy has put a dark cloud over Callie and Arizona's relationship; primarily because, well, Callie wants to bone his brains out 24/7. If we can all take a look back to the days of Dr. Erica Hahn (yes I know that's painful), we'd all recall that the first tounge slip to the other side was result of Steamy's fantastical urging. Pretending to be a lesbian to get a hot guys attention? Classic attention whore. On to exhibit B...

Name: Dr. Teddy Altman

Occupation: Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery

Relationship Status: Married... technically

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Why Teddy is an Attention Whore: It's clear to everyone in America that Dr. Teddy (yeah... that name would make me comfortable if saw it assigned to my heart surgery) has daily desert fantasies of her and Dr. Hunt saving lives and rolling around in sand together. Sure must have sucked for her when Hunt got MARRIED. Boo hoo... What ever is an attention whore to do?! I know... also GET MARRIED. But, in true AW form, our friend Teddy didn't only get hitched... she married a patient she met for 5 minutes. Moving on...

Name: Dr. Christina Yang

Occupation: Medical Resident

Relationship Status: Married

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Why Christina is an Attention Whore: This whole "I'm ok... I'm NOT ok... I'm ok... I'm NOT ok" game is getting old. Funny how Christina can miraculously kick surgery ass in the OR again RIGHT in time for the race for Chief Resident. All too convenient for me. She wanted to come back in the spotlight tenfold... riding up in an ambulance, saving the life of a mass murderer. Yeah... THAT's not dramatic. She's an attention whore with a motive (beware of those, for sure).

Now that we've learned to recognize the attention whores, we need to learn how to tame them. What better way than to learn from the example set by television's most drastically reformed Attention Whore, Meredith Grey:

In just a few short seasons, Meredith went from sleeping with her BFF and fake-dying to getting married on a post-it. Now that's growth. Instead of being the subject of everyone's concern, she's the one offering up advice and telling young AWs to snap out of it. What's the lesson here? Marry a sexy, powerful doctor, dodge a bullet, and concentrate on what really matters in life. Here here, Meredith!