America, Why Have You Forsaken Me?

I have a new found appreciation for the term "hump day." As it so happens, I've recently equated my television viewing cycle to an orgasm. A long, long, O which climaxes on Wednesday with Glee. Now may I say thank god for Glee; Without it, I would have gotten some serious blue balls with the results of Wednesday's SYTYCD elimination show. Thanks a lot, America... you cock-blocks, you.

The So You Think You Can Dance viewers have made a mistake of catastrophic proportions. Yes, it's true... Ryan, the walking spray tan, will be competing in the show's finale this week over everyone's favorite B-boy, Legacy. Ryan's pathetic tearful performance on Tuesday night may have won the ignorant over, but not I. I know better; the "tears" in question were actually excess tanner streaking down his cheeks. That shit stings! I'd cry too.

Yes... after mambo-ing his shiny shirts away, Ryan begged America to vote his wifey, Ashleigh, into the finals despite the fact that she did not even dance last week. Now don't get me wrong, I'm as big of an Ashleigh fan as they come; But just because the teenyboppers think it would be cute for the finale to be couples night we will let that man-booger bump Legacy out of the competition?! Ugh... so unfair.

As a tribute to the eye-candy wonder that is Legacy, I will vow to remain shirtless all day. Sure, this will prove to be awkward in the workplace but I see no better way to support the man, the myth, the Legacy.

...eek it's cold in here.

Editors Note: My BFF just sent me an e-card. I have revised this post's picture to showcase it. Thanks, KDoggy.