Gather 'round boys and girls as I tell you all the story of the most feared creature in all of TV land.
He flies. He bikes. He possesses the innate ability to make your nipples shrivel with his awkward conversation and nonexistent sexual maturity. He'll make you want to rip your ears off by saying things like "neat," "gee golly" and "holy cow." And most importantly, he'll pull the rose out from underneath you and drop you like a bad habit.
You guessed it! I'm talking about big bad Jakey-poo, America's dreamiest virgin pilot. Jake's been using his powers of aversion to the opposite sex this week as he sent home double the amount of ladies-in-waiting than he was supposed to.
During the dreaded two-on-one date with Kathryn and Ella, Jake went rogue and kicked both of them to the curb. While I did think he and Ella would have made a decent couple, I totally understand why he sent her back to singledom; I'll spell it out for you: K.I.D. Kathryn, though? I really liked her! She was funny and adoreable and didn't scream loser... Hmm... Probably the same reasons why Jake didn't pick her.
We also had to say goodbye to Jessie who weirdly we only heard talk for the first time on Monday night. Sionara, Jessie... We'll miss ya... I guess? And last but not least, the final bachelorette on Jake's hitlist was Ashleigh. We obviously knew she was getting the ax the second she touched Jake's upper thigh.
And now we have the final five: Tenley, Allie, Vienna, Corrie, and Gia. My vote for the final rose? Tenley. She's adoreable, simple minded, and without-a-doubt prude. Match made in heaven. Allie is really starting to piss me off with all of this Vienna nonsense. Vienna is a tranny, Allie... Get over it. Then there's Corrie, whose awkward spanking is going to put her on a fast track to roselessness. I'm actually a big fan of Gia; not in a I would want her to win kind of way (she's clearly too hot to spend a lifetime with Jake), but instead in a wow she dated a Yankee and I would like to be her friend kind of way. Yes, Gia used to romantically involved with Yankee pitcher Carl Pavano. She has also graced the pages of Maxim. Hmm... I wonder if Jakey knows how out of his league he's in?
He flies. He bikes. He possesses the innate ability to make your nipples shrivel with his awkward conversation and nonexistent sexual maturity. He'll make you want to rip your ears off by saying things like "neat," "gee golly" and "holy cow." And most importantly, he'll pull the rose out from underneath you and drop you like a bad habit.
You guessed it! I'm talking about big bad Jakey-poo, America's dreamiest virgin pilot. Jake's been using his powers of aversion to the opposite sex this week as he sent home double the amount of ladies-in-waiting than he was supposed to.
During the dreaded two-on-one date with Kathryn and Ella, Jake went rogue and kicked both of them to the curb. While I did think he and Ella would have made a decent couple, I totally understand why he sent her back to singledom; I'll spell it out for you: K.I.D. Kathryn, though? I really liked her! She was funny and adoreable and didn't scream loser... Hmm... Probably the same reasons why Jake didn't pick her.
We also had to say goodbye to Jessie who weirdly we only heard talk for the first time on Monday night. Sionara, Jessie... We'll miss ya... I guess? And last but not least, the final bachelorette on Jake's hitlist was Ashleigh. We obviously knew she was getting the ax the second she touched Jake's upper thigh.
And now we have the final five: Tenley, Allie, Vienna, Corrie, and Gia. My vote for the final rose? Tenley. She's adoreable, simple minded, and without-a-doubt prude. Match made in heaven. Allie is really starting to piss me off with all of this Vienna nonsense. Vienna is a tranny, Allie... Get over it. Then there's Corrie, whose awkward spanking is going to put her on a fast track to roselessness. I'm actually a big fan of Gia; not in a I would want her to win kind of way (she's clearly too hot to spend a lifetime with Jake), but instead in a wow she dated a Yankee and I would like to be her friend kind of way. Yes, Gia used to romantically involved with Yankee pitcher Carl Pavano. She has also graced the pages of Maxim. Hmm... I wonder if Jakey knows how out of his league he's in?
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