The Case Against Kara DioGuardi

"Heresths the thing," Kara... Everyone hates you.

It's true. So far this season the only guest judge that showed moderate fondness of the black sheep on the AI panel has been Victoria Beckham. Interestingly enough, Poshy Poo was also the guest judge who coined the line "I believe you are a person that would excel in retail." Correct--she is incapable of being mean to anyone.

You know deep down Vicky Becks is aching to "slama body down and wind it all around" when it comes to Kara. According to teasers, next week they're bringing Posh back for another stint behind the judges table. My guess is that no one else agreed to sit next to Kara for more than :30 seconds. Poor Posh is going to implode; her frail little body doesn't look like it could internalize any more aggravation.

Case in point, my new idol... Katy Perry. Mah girl had no tolerance for the word vomit that consistently spews out of Kara's mouth. Her exact words: "[Kara], please shut up before I throw my coke in your face." Couldn't have said it better myself. While Kara denied the feud to Us weekly saying the two were "joking around" those of us who are not retarded know better. EVERYONE. HATES. KARA.

Other Kaka (typo, but it stays) haters? Simon Cowell... well... obviously. With every roll of his eyes, Simon is one step closer to escaping from her hellish existence forever. God save American Idol when that day comes. Another Kaka hater? Last night's guest judge and my personal TVGBFF, Neil Patrick Harris. NPH nearly punched a bitch's lights out within the first :20 seconds of last nights show. I have to believe that his little tiffs with Simon were the product misplaced anger. In reality, he wanted each jab at Simon to be an industrial staple to Kaka's mouth.

In an effort to stomach Idol this season, I offer Kaka a bit of advice: stop talking just to hear the sound of your own voice. Take a hint from Joe Jonas' judging debut last night; the shorter, the sweeter.

"Joe, yes or no?"
"Yeah"

"Kara, yes or no?"
"You know what? I really like you. I think you got something. I'm gonna say yes."

"Joe, yes or no?"
"Yeah"

"Kara, yes or no?"
"A hundred percent yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. You're my favorite of the day."

"Joe, yes or no?"
"Yeah"

"Kara, yes or no?"
"No, sorry sweetie. It just wasn't there for me."

Ugh! "Heresths the thing," Kaka, while you may talk around in circles, your voice makes me want to punch a baby. Do America a favor and put your tongue in a head lock. Or maybe we'll just let Katy Perry do it.