I am writing today to petition for the social canonization of Chris Harrison. No, I'm not suggesting the church begin collecting relics in the form of long stem roses; I'm only saying that when you really want to hit a bitch, just think of St. Chris and perhaps you'll abstain.
Yes, St. Chris, patron saint of wanting to hit a bitch and holding back. Truly this is an angelic man. Last night, the bachelor contestant who got kicked off for not being able to keep her legs shut around men with power returned to the "Women Tell All" stage to duke it out with poor Chrissy-Poo. For those of you living under a rock (or have better things to do than follow this horrific season of The Bachelor), Rozlyn Papa was kicked off early in the season for "allegedly" (Ha!) having an affair with one of the show's producers. Yet alas, the burden of booting the ho fell upon the shoulders of St. Chris. (Please refer to the video below).
You know that every other thought that goes through poor St. Chrissy's head is "FML." His job duties entail dealing with the emotions of people doomed to never find real love (cough... Jake), dealing with the delirious, intellectual ingrates that actually believe they can find love on TV (cough... Tenley), and attention whores who come to the show solely to propagate their own mindless agendas (cough... Allie... cough). Now he has to go head-to-head with sociopathic, supermodel whores?! Someone call ABC--St. Chris needs a raise.
Rozlyn swears (on her child's life, no less), that this relationship she had with a producer was not physical. Me thinks that Rozlyn is a pathological liar, but for s&g let's give her the benefit of the doubt for a second; In that case I should suspect that Roz is some kind of super-whore who only considers "physical" relationships to be those which result in a litter of kiddies.
The ladies banded together last night to back St. Chris in his mission to slay the beast... the beast being Roz the Whoreable and the slaying being a stern, verbal lashing. The fight was epic, ultimately leading to Roz accusing St. Chris of cheating on his wife. Not so fast, Roz! Don't think that you can bring down St. Chris on your sinking ship of sloredom. Didn't you ever learn to never take a saint's name in vain?
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