Monday, October 12, 2009

"We're like really roommates. That's like totally awesome."


The title provided here is not a joke... it is was a line... written into a script... and aired on television. The following is a list of reasons why I believe Hillary Duff will be the ultimate demise of GG:

1. The Lizzy Maguire Effect: Dress her in a fadora, throw her in NYU, bunk her up with Vanessa--no matter how you try to make Hillary Duff relevant to devout Gossip Girl afficianados, all roads lead to "Why is a twelve-year-old in college?" Homegirl's voice belongs one place and one place only: The Disney Channel. If this is part of some disasterous scheming to broaden the GG demographic to a younger audience my vote is one thousand times HELL TO THE NO. I want my steamy sexual scenes, allusions to drug use, and the right to hear "bitch." Comeon... I don't ask for a lot.

2. Let's not give Dan "I try too hard to not be cool" Humphry a bigger head. How is it that the least desirable of all the Gossip guys has hooked it with every out-of-his lead hottie they put in the cast? And now they give him a freaking movie star? Nuh uh... that does not fly.

3. Now don't get me wrong, Hillary Duff is cute; but in a world where the Leighton Meisters, Jessica Szohrs, and Blake Livelys are the girls next door, THAT'S who you get to play a movie star? Granted, it's not easy to out-glam the gossip girls-- but try a little harder... Please?

4. Olivia? You name her Olivia? It's a hard fact that is a name exclusively reserved for brunettes. I would know.

5. Lastly, I leave you with the deepest, most eloquent one-line monolgue ever to pass through my broke down TV set on Mondays at 9: "We're like really roommates. That's like totally awesome."

And to sum up, "Hillary Duff may not be the only demise of Gossip Girl but she WILL be one of many." -Teen

And there you have it. Good night.

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