American... Idle?

Is it just me? Or is this season of Idol about as exciting as a wet paper towel? I feel as if my favorite restaurant decided to stop putting salt in their ciabatta bread. Have you ever had salt-free bread? Well, let me assure you... it sucks.

Sucking much like the talent this season, in fact. During last night's result show, I actually prayed to St. Simon to do the unthinkable and send both Paige and Tim Urban home. Now don't get me wrong... I'm as superficial as they come. Of course there can be no such thing as an unattractive idol; but don't let that be the only reason to keep Tim "I may be cute but my voice is as annoying as white noise" Urban. COMEON now! I'm pretty certain that if you had to listen to that kid on the radio 24/7 there would be a dangerous jump in highway collisions.

That's the problem with this show. Our fate is in the hands of pre-pubescent teens exploring their new found pee-pee sensation. Get a clue, youngings... in a few years Tim Urban is going to look like Papa Joe Simpson and you're going to be thinking to yourselves, "I probably should have voted for that more-talented other hot guy... Crystal."

All jokes aside, Crystal, Lee and Siobhan (or Sha-bang, according to my Dad) seem to be the saving graces of season 9. I propose that they just knock everybody else off and have these three duke it out amongst themselves for the rest of the show. Though, this still wouldn't mean we won't have to suffer through any more unfortunate accessory incidents. Don't understand what I'm referring to? Think back to the feather earrings, plastic necklaces, and hair flair of the past few weeks. Seriously... who dresses these people?! They all look like garage sale casualties.

And speaking of garages, why is it that these dumbass Ford commercials just keep getting gayer by the week? Just thinking about the amount of money Ford is spending to make people fast forward their placements makes me want to vom. I have an idea... Ford should just give Ryan some more money for drugs. "Ryan's awkward behavior has been brought to you by Ford Motors." That'll guarantee some viewership.

Well, we can't exactly complain about Ryan not bringing excitement to the table. Hell, if I were Ryan Seacrest I'd probably need some speed too. Check out the crazy eyes in the video below where Ryan gets the munchies and tries to eat St. Simon (Feel free to FF to the 5 min mark... I wouldn't want to make you sit through that performance).