Monday, February 22, 2010

The Armenians Take Gold in the Placenta Olympics


Last night on the finale of Keeping up with the Kardashians, Scottney had a baby boy...

...and Kourt singlehandedly pulled him out of her hoo-hah.

We've all heard it: birth is a miracle. But in honor of the 2010 winter games, Kourtney Kardashian just made labor an Olympic sport. We'll call it the Birth Canal Luge.

If you missed the show last night, I'll give you the play-by-play. Kourt's water breaks in the middle of the night. After laughing about how it's "dripping down her leg," she decides to spare the wood paneled floor of a goo spill and catch it in a cup, proving early on that she will be a staunch competitor in the placenta games. Then, remaining completely calm, she opts to take a shower so that she could shave. See! You can even ask Michael Phelps... nothing gives you speed and agility like a clean shave (especially when we're talking about the no-no parts).

Before heading off to the hospital, Kourtney applies a fresh face of makeup giving her yet another 10 points. The fact that Kourt has remained so calm despite how she is about to give birth to a half cartoon-character baby (from the child's parental side, of course) is truly remarkable.

At the hospital, Scottney is met by future aunts, Kim, Khloe, Kylie and Kendall as well as Grandma Kris. Hmm... something tells me Kris isn't going to be taking the title of "Grandma" too lightly. I should expect the baby will be calling her "Krazy lady who takes care of me sometimes" for quite a while.

And at last, the main event! Kourt is feeling pressure and it is time for the pushing to begin. As baby daddy, Scott Dickish, mans the video camera (and not his girlfriend), Kourt flies solo, pulling her knees to her chest preparing for the decent. All of a sudden, the baby's head emerges. Then in one valiant championship effort, Kourtney reaches down into her depths, grabs the baby, and pulls him out of the luge and on to her chest. Baby boy, Mason Dash Disick and a gold medal performance for team Armenia! Bruce Jenner will be so proud to learn there is another Olympic champion in the family!

Congratulations, Kourtney! You've always been my favorite Dash and I wish you all the best. As for the silk-robe mancreature baby daddy of yours? Well, let's just hope we'll never have to see this again:

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